Helloooo My Fellow Hat Wearers!
Happy Friday! Happy weekend! I hope most of you had a warm week unlike all of us here in
I knew we were in for a storm when Malcolm showed up in our yard Friday afternoon.
He told me his sensitive bones were warning him that bad weather was on its way and he wanted to alert me so I could stock up on necessities. I thanked him and told him it was okay, we had plenty of taco fixings and margarita mix, so I was all set. He nodded his big ol’ fuzzy head and turned and scurried away. He’s a strange one! My family and I hunkered down and waited for the storm. It arrived early Saturday morning and dumped a bunch of ice all over everything. It was very pretty and shiny – I like shiny! It was also good because the roads were so bad no one in the family could go anywhere, so we sat around all day watching television, drinking margaritas, playing Boggle and feeding all the hatted animals in the yard. They were slipping and sliding on the ice, but they seemed to be having fun. I, on the other hand, did not wish to fall on my keister, as that is quite unladylike, so I put on my rubber soled winter boots (which I had yet to wear) and ventured out into the cold.
Mom followed me out with a big bag of peanuts for the squirrels and Ritz crackers for the birds. Everything’s better on a Ritz! The squirrels all raced up onto the deck to get a peanut. Since it was so cold and they were hungry (and I didn’t want to fall) I did not chase them. I even let them sit up on the deck to eat!
The birds all looked so pretty – their bright colors contrasted against the pure white ice.
After everyone settled into eating, I heard a strange noise. I have heard crows before – we have many of them that come to our yard to steal the peanuts and crackers – but this was a very odd sound. A very raspy caw! caw! was resonating from a big old crow that was standing in the corner of the yard. I don’t think I had ever seen him before. Now, I know what you’re going to say…cats chase birds, not talk to them, but I just knew this avian had an interesting story to tell. That is if he would take the cigar out of his mouth!!!!!
I said hello to him and before he could speak, all the other animals in the yard started groaning, “Oooooh no, don’t get him started!” Well, now my interest was really piqued! Why shouldn’t I talk to him… is he rude? No, they said. Does he shout? No, they said. Does he spit when he talks? (I HATE that) Nooooo, they said (they were getting impatient with me) Well, then, what is it? One of the squirrels told me that the crow’s name was Cornelius, but that they all called him Corny. Well of course you would, I told them, that is the short version of Cornelius. “No”, they said in unison, “It’s because he tells really bad knock, knock jokes!!!” Knock, knock jokes – why I remember those from when I was a kitten. I would sit around with my brothers and sisters and we would take turns telling knock, knock jokes until we were all laughing so hard we couldn’t talk. We’d roll on our backs with our little paws flailing in the air just laughing and having the best time. How bad could a crow telling knock, knock jokes be?!?!? Being the hospitable hostess that I am, I thought it would be rude not to speak to him. Besides I could appreciate a good joke. “Good” being the operative word. We had a lovely conversation. Turns out he is from a long line of Vaudeville performers who traveled the world. Much like my family, they have seen many wonderful things and met many interesting people. Even though he did talk very loudly and spit quite profusely when he spoke, we chatted for quite a while …and then it started. It was like he couldn’t control it. One knock, knock joke after another, one worse than the previous one. Finally, even as he was in the middle of a joke, I told him I had to go because I was getting cold and the tequila was inside. I started to walk away and he said “Knock, knock!” I couldn’t leave him hanging. Who’s there? I asked. “Lllama,” he said. Llama who? I asked. “Llama Yankee Doodle Dandy!” he crowed. He really liked that one because he laughed and laughed as he took off into the sky. If I had been a kitten or maybe had a little more tequila in me, that one might have made me laugh. Anyway, I have a feeling that’s not the last we’re going to see of googly-eyed Corny.
After Corny left everyone settled back down and finished their meals. They thanked me for my generosity and for not chasing them. I told them they were welcome, but all bets were off when the ice cleared and I would be after them in earnest next chance I got. We said our goodbyes and I went back inside to warm up and jump in on the next round of Boggle.
Well, I think I’ve rambled on long enough. It’s supposed to snow this weekend, so we may be going through this again. At least I know my boots fit so I’m ready for anything…I better check the tequila supply. Have a wonderful weekend and tell someone your favorite knock, knock joke…the worse the better! Until next week….
Love and licks,