Happy Friday! Happy weekend! Welcome to Wal-Mart!! Okay, well, maybe not welcome to Wal-Mart. But didn’t I make you feel welcome? I had been promising Corny for weeks that I would go with him to Wal-Mart so he could teach me to be a Wal-Mart parking lot greeter in case he ever needed to take a day off. Despite all his silliness, Corny is very serious about his work and would never want to leave the Walmart parking lot unattended. We decided it would be a good idea if Bobbi came along also in case I wasn’t available when Corny needed his vacation. I am a busy girl!
Corny has been a self-designated parking lot greeter for as long as I’ve known him. He looks very official in his vest, name tag and hat. Evidently, when a Wal-Mart employee becomes an ex-Wal-Mart employee, they don’t take their Wal-Mart paraphernalia with them and Corny takes it off their hands. He had a lovely collection of vests and hats for us to choose from, though we did have to do some alterations for them to fit properly. Corny had gone to the trouble of making us name tags – I didn’t even know he could write or spell. Corny is a lot smarter than he lets on!
I had my brother give Bobbi and I a ride to Wal-Mart where we rendezvoused with Corny who obviously did not need a ride. Oh, to be able to fly wherever you want to go – must be nice. We met up and prepared to train.
Corny inspected us and deemed us good enough to join the proud legion of Wal-Mart parking lot greeters. I had to be honest. I had heard of Wal-Mart greeters, but never parking lot greeters. I asked Corny about it and he seemed quite insulted – I think I almost lost the job! He explained that the first impression is made on someone as they get out of their car. They could have a bad experience in the parking lot which would ruin their whole Wal-Mart experience. No greeter inside could undo a bad experience outside. Ooooookay. I’ll go with that. If it made Corny happy, I would gladly help out.
Things were unusually slow at the Wal-Mart so we decided to go find people to greet. There was a couple hanging out by the shopping carts, so we went over there for Corny to show us what to do.
Corny cawed at them and almost dropped his cigarette. They ignored us. He flapped his wings and cawed again. The girl looked over at him and sort of smiled while her friend just ignored us. Couldn’t he see us? Good heavens! We were three animals wearing hats and vests!!!! We finally gave up and left to look for people who appreciate being greeted. As we walked away we started giggling about the funny outfit the guy was wearing. Maybe that’s why he didn’t look at us – he was too embarrassed that he was still in his pajamas!
Knowing what a social animal I am, Corny decided that I should greet the next customer that got out of his or her car. We waited a few minutes and then watched as a car pulled up and parked. I trotted over to the car and put on my best smile and beamed as I meowed “Welcome to Wal-Mart!”
The woman was startled, but she smiled when she saw my smile and enthusiasm. I was a natural at this. She told me she was new to the area and needed to buy some food for her dog and cat. I knew there was a reason I liked her! She was an animal person. She asked if I could show her where the pet food aisle was. I really had no idea, but I figured it was better to be lost in Wal-Mart with company than to be lost in Wal-Mart alone. The nice lady followed me into the Wal-Mart. Fortunately, the inside greeter was a slacker and wasn’t at their post. I snuck inside and walked as if I knew where I was going. I could smell the cat food, so it didn’t take too many aisles before I found it.
The lady was very thankful and complimented me on what a great job I was doing. She gave me a scratch behind my ears and I purred loudly. With my task completed, I then headed back to the parking lot to join my co-workers.
Bobbi was a little shy, so we worked as a team. We didn’t greet everyone though. We skipped the folks with gun racks mounted in their trucks. Not that I was worried about anything, but I thought it would be safer for Bobbi and Corny. After awhile Corny had decided we were doing such a good job that he could pretty much just hang out on top of the big lights and smoke cigarettes. After a couple of hours we were worn out. It was hot and we were in need of something cool to drink. Corny knew of a soft drink machine inside and he had found some change in the parking lot we could use. We hung out by the door until the inside greeter wandered away again. We scampered into the lobby and before we reached the drink machine we spied some cool looking shopping carts. I just couldn’t resist. Poor Bobbi kept telling me to stay away – nothing good could come of us wreaking havoc in the Wal-Mart. She told me it really wouldn’t look good to be thrown out of a Wal-Mart. I said we could just sit on it and pretend we were riding around – like we did with the coin horses. Bobbi and Corny thought that would be okay. We all climbed aboard. It was cool!
Then something happened. I’m not sure what, but all of a sudden we were driving into the store. It was an electric basket and I don’t what one of us did to start it moving. Poor Bobbi almost fell off, but she grabbed the basket and stood on the floor of the cart like she was surfing. Corny squawked with glee as he sat on top of the basket with his feathers ruffling in the breeze! We raced up and down aisles with Corny’s squawking acting as a horn to alert people to get out of the way. Bobbi was having fun pretending to surf and she chirped with delight. It would have been a lot of fun if I wasn’t so afraid of being thrown out. My Mom and Dad shop there and I didn’t want to jeopardize their shopping rights. I pushed any button I could find until the basket finally stopped – at the pet food aisle.
I guess folks thought we were part of some kind of promotional stunt because we didn’t get thrown out. We still thought it was prudent to get out quickly, so we headed to the exit.
As we headed out the door we saw that my brother had returned to pick Bobbi and I up, so we thought we should call it a day. We did decide to do one last parking lot greeter task and help a couple with their bags. It felt good to help people out!
Corny told us that we did good and he would be proud if we would fill in for him when he needed time off. We told him we would be happy to and promised not to ride on the electric baskets anymore. We make a good team!
Needless to say, Bobbi and I were exhausted! Before we left, we asked Corny if he would impart one of his Knock knock jokes upon us. He looked so pleased and squawked loudly, "Knock! Knock!" "Who's there?!" Bobbi and I shouted together. "Tank" Corny answered. "Tank who?!" we said on cue. "Tank you for helping me out!" Corny giggled and flew up onto one of the big lights. Okay, it wasn't his best joke, but it was very sweet!
When we got back to the house, I gave Bobbi some peanuts before she headed off to her nest for dinner and a good night’s sleep. I had a quick bite and headed to the snuggy to catch up on my beauty rest. It was quite an interesting day! We went back to work with Corny a couple more days to make sure we were well versed in the ways of the Wal-Mart parking lot greeters.
I hope you have a great week. If you go to your local Wal-Mart keep an eye out for parking lot greeters – or maybe a crow or two on the lights. Just stay away from the electric carts – they’re wild!
Love and licks,