Me and my Peeps!!!

Hello friends! By the time you read this, I will have already experienced the wonder that will be the royal wedding. I am in London already, hanging out with my friends enjoying some fabulous sightseeing and celebrity watching. It's so exciting! The anticipation is almost unbearable – it will be such a letdown when it is all over!
But I am getting ahead of myself. My blog about the royal wedding will have to be next week, since it won’t happen until Friday morning, long after I have written my weekly ramblings. So instead, let me tell you about the fun Easter events that occurred last Sunday.
Being a cat, I like to chase anything that may have the nerve to move in my backyard. I kept hearing about the Easter bunny who visited every house each Easter leaving candy and other assorted goodies for the children. I thought it would be good fun to chase the Easter bunny – surely he would be tired from so much travel and a good scare and subsequent chase would help wake him up and get his blood flowing – plus chances are he would drop some candy leaving more for me!
Stalking other creatures is always more fun with friends, so I put out the word that I was hosting a bunny hunt in my yard Saturday night. I was surprised at the number of friends that were up for the event! After I had my final count, I went to the Party store and secured enough bunny ears for all my guests.
As each guest arrived I handed them a pair of bunny ears and helped them arrange them properly on their head. My logic was that the Easter bunny wouldn’t hesitate to enter a yard full of other bunnies, as opposed to a yard filled with oh… say… cats! We all had a good laugh as we shook our head to make our ears flop around. It must be fun to be a bunny!
We decided that our tails might give us away so we would have to hide if we were wanted the Easter bunny to come into the yard. Steve, Icy, Edward, Tuppy and Anthony hid on the side of the yard with the big old tree. Poor Bobbi came by in the ears I had given her to show me how cute she looked without realizing there were cats in the yard that didn’t know her. I had to rush to her aid to keep her from becoming our first chase!





After I escorted Bobbi out of the yard, it was time for the rest of us to find hiding spots in another part of the yard. We placed some yummy looking carrots right smack dab in the middle of the yard to make sure the Easter bunny stopped in the yard. I tried to tell Jack that the squirrel seed box was not big enough to hide him, but he wanted to be the first to see the Easter bunny. Georgie, Matthew, Taz and I found more appropriate hiding places






We were all set! It wasn’t long before the sun went down and it was dark. We told stories of our success chasing critters that were foolish enough to cross our paths. Then we moved on to telling the worst jokes we knew. I had the unfair advantage of knowing Corny – my source for the absolutely worst jokes in the word!!
One by one we started yawning. Where was that bunny? We started to count the stars in the sky and then …..







Sometime during the night we had abandoned our hiding positions and ended up on the deck. Don’t ask me how, but let me say, I would have loved to see a pack of sleep walking cats stumbling across the yard! The sun had risen and the yard had been transformed into an Easter paradise!







There were eggs all over the yard! The Easter bunny had come after all! He had left two giant baskets under one of the trees!! I wondered why two? We were all adults and only kittens would get baskets. Then it dawned on me and I called my kitten friends Dillie Bean and Yogi Bear to come over. Boy, were they excited when they saw their baskets!!!





I warned them not to eat too much candy, though I don’t think they heard me.
We all had fun batting the eggs around the yard, and I amused the little ones with my juggling skills. Fortunately, they were chocolate eggs, so I didn’t have to worry about them breaking and making a mess.





Of course we had to endure a visit from the vigilante cardinals, who were patrolling the neighborhood making sure that no real eggs were harmed during any Easter celebrations.





I reminded them that they had visited last year and had scolded me for no reason. Just the same as last year, I told them that the eggs were made of chocolate, so no avian nests had been raided. They cocked their heads, gave me the stink eye and went on their hostile, vigilante way.
The little ones wore out quickly and soon settled down for a nap. Some of my friends had to return home, but the rest of us headed out to drive our special car in the Easter Parade.





We were quite a hit and we had fun waving to the crowds. We all looked especially beautiful/handsome in our Easter bonnets! I’m not a particularly good driver, so the others in the car spent a lot of time yelling at people to watch out!
We stopped for a bite to eat on the way home and then went our separate ways. I think we all immediately began preparing for our trip to London for THE wedding. I had several suitcases packed by evening and I could hardly sleep that night. The next morning I headed to the airport so I would have some time to enjoy London before the rest of the world descended upon it for the big event.
Have a great week! I will give you my first hand account of the royal wedding next week!!!
Love & kitty kisses,
Josie

Just Peachy!!

Happy weekend my friends! I am so excited about my tale this week. I motored down to Savannah with my parents to attend a reading and book signing by my favorite author, David Sedaris. If you have ever read anything by Mr. Sedaris, you know that he has the most wonderful sense of humor! I always enjoy his books and often find myself laughing out loud, but to listen to him read from his books and essays was absolutely hysterical. Well, let me stop gushing and tell you about my adventure!
We headed out late, late morning which put us behind schedule from the start. Then we stopped for coffee – of which I did not partake – before we finally started heading southward. It was going to be a long trip so I decided to reread the wonderful books I had brought along for Mr. Sedaris to sign. Even though I had read them before, I still found myself giggling at some of the things Mr. Sedaris wrote. When my eye became tired from so much reading, I instead sat and thought about what questions and topics I would have for Mr. Sedaris at the book signing. I thought he might enjoy chatting with a fellow author about his craft, and I wanted to be prepared with some interesting thoughts. I pondered myself right into a deep catnap and awoke only after Mom picked me up from the back seat of the car and placed me on my feet in the parking garage. Now that’s the way to travel…asleep!
We were staying at a lovely old hotel on E. Bay St, right across from the Riverfront. I grabbed my suitcase and headed for the hotel, anxious to see the room that was to be my home for the next couple of days.





We all freshened up and then waited for Dad to finish his work before heading out on foot to the theatre (notice the British spelling of theatre – very sophisticated!) Just as my little paw pads were getting tired, we came upon the theatre. How pretty it was! Mr. Sedaris’ name was on the marquis, which made me get even more excited. It reminded me that I was going to meet my literary hero!!









My little kitty heart was beating fast and I feared I was going to swoon! Mom rushed to get a cup of cool water for me to sip on. That seemed to do the trick and we headed to our seats.
The inside of the theatre was magnificent. It must have been quite old because it was very ornate. The balcony hanging over our heads was a little disconcerting, but that wasn’t as bad as these small sections of seats sticking out from the wall. I would NOT want to sit in one of those. I would be afraid it would fall – it didn’t look very sturdy!





I sat patiently waiting for the reading to begin. I held on tightly to my books as I didn’t want to lose them.





It didn’t take long for the theatre to fill up. There was not an empty seat in the house! The lights went down and everyone cheered – I yowled the loudest, I’m sure! Mr. Sedaris came out and was as witty and charming as ever! I had seen him on the Daily Show a couple of times and on all the late night talk shows (don’t tell Mom I stay up that late!!), but this was sooooo much better. He told a couple of jokes that made me blush – but I have to admit, they were very funny!!
Even though it had been over an hour, the reading seemed to be over in no time. I was sad it was over, but it was now time to meet my hero! I just had to figure out where to go. Out in the lobby a line was forming – a loooong line. I scurried to the end of the line as fast as I could, but I was still far in the back. Mom and Dad waited with me and we had fun chatting with the other fans and talking about what we would eat afterwards. We seemed to stand in the same spot for quite a while and I was wondering what was going on. I stepped out of line and peeked around the corner… Mr. Sedaris was chatting and telling jokes to each person who wanted a book signed. While it was very nice of Mr. Sedaris, it meant we were going to be waiting a long time.
One hour… two hours… finally we could see him. When it was our turn I thought I was going to spontaneously combust. I was hoping that wouldn’t happen, because I don’t think Mr. Sedaris would have appreciated getting covered in flying cat fur. I reached into Mom’s big purse and pulled out the copy of my book that she was carrying for me. First, I handed Mr. Sedaris the book I wanted him to sign and then I handed him my literary masterpiece.








He thanked me for the book and said he liked meeting fresh, new authors, and was anxious to read my offering. I told him I would wait for him to read it if he wanted to go ahead and dive in. He laughed and said he would prefer to not have to rush through it, so he would save it for his flight to his next reading. He chatted with us for a while and wrote a very nice inscription.







He told us one last joke before we headed off. I giggled as we headed out to the street. That was so thrilling! I hadn’t thought about food for a while, but now my tummy was rumbling. We looked at the time. Oh no! It was 11:30! All the restaurants were closed by now. On our walk back to the hotel, we did not find one single place open to feed us.
Mom, Dad and I raided the hotel snack machine for a very un-nutritious meal. With our bellies partially filled we went to bed and fell asleep immediately!!
The next day was going to be sightseeing day, so we needed some serious breakfast. We slept late and awoke starving! Dad tippy tapped on his computer and found us the most amazing breakfast in all of Savannah…maybe all of Georgia… maybe all of the United States… maybe in the whole world!!!! It was either that good or I was that hungry. Either way, it was quite the feast!








After we had refueled we were ready to go sightseeing along the Riverwalk!





There were all sorts of cool statues and historical information along the walk. One of my favorites was the Olympic torch sculpture that is a monument to the Savannah’s role as host to the 1996 Olympic yachting event.





There was also a sculpture of a girl waving a cloth. There was a really big dog sculpted next to her which gave me the creeps, so I stayed away from that one.
Unfortunately for my parents, there were many gift shops along the river and I felt compelled to visit each and every one. I had no trouble finding souvenirs for Briana, Bobbi, Steve and Malcom – Mom’s magic plastic card helped me with that!






Before we headed back to the city, I asked Mom to take my picture in front of the beautiful Talmage Memorial Bridge which spans the Savannah River from Georgia to South Carolina. I had never seen such a beautiful bridge and since it was only built in 1990 it is relatively new.






It was time to head back to the hotel to freshen up for dinner. I hoped to squeeze in a catnap as well. Mom takes forever to get ready to go out, so I was able to complete a very refreshing power nap. We had a wonderful dinner and went to bed early so we could head home in the morning before the severe storms were supposed to hit.
We did manage to make it home and make sure Steve was inside before the tornadoes descended upon Fayetteville. One passed our house just a few blocks behind us and destroyed a whole neighborhood. It was very scary – though I did manage to doze on and off while the storm raged. My friends at FAPS and I helped out at a tornado relief event on Wednesday where we collected not only supplies for people, but for animals as well. It was amazing to see all the people wanting to help and it was a huge success. There will be no animals going hungry in Fayetteville!
After all the excitement was over and we could relax and think about our great trip, Mom pulled out the pictures she had taken so we could all enjoy them. As we went from picture to picture I noticed something similar in most of the pictures. Was that Preston at the hotel…at the theatre…and in various places at the Riverwalk ? What would he be doing in Savannah… unless he was following me?!? I thought I was being ridiculous when I felt like someone was watching me – just like I felt at the steeplechase. I must get to the bottom of this! I’m tired though and have a trip to London to prepare for, so like Scarlett O’Hara says – I’ll think about that tomorrow…after all, tomorrow is another day!
Love & kitty kisses,
Josie

A Caturday at the Races!

Happy weekend my friends! Tally ho! Giddyup! Whoa Nellie and all that horsey talk! I had quite the interesting, new experience last week about which I can’t wait to tell you! The best part was that my whole family went along with me …or did I go along with them? Mmmmm..either way, we had quite the good time!!
The day started off with a loooong drive out to North Carolina horse country. Mom and I had spent the whole previous night working on a fabulous hat to enter in the infamous Stoneybrook Steeplechase hat contest, and I spent most of the ride putting the final touches on our creation – and making sure no one squashed it! By the time we arrived at Carolina Horse Park my hat and I were ready to become one with the horsey set.
Since cats are always around stables to help control the rodent population, no one seemed to notice me milling about with everyone else. They did, however, notice my friend Butterscotch, my Mom’s pony. She is a beautiful palomino pony with a flowing blond mane and tail. From the moment we emerged from the car, she was drawing stares from everyone we passed. You would have thought horsey people would have seen beautiful ponies before, but evidently Butterscotch was exceptional.
I wasn’t sure what to expect at a steeplechase, so I was amazed at the variety of people and events going on all at once. The best part of all was that hats seemed to be one of the important elements of the event! Everywhere you looked, there were women in big beautiful hats. There were hat vendors everywhere. I though I had died and gone to heaven! Butterscotch and I went from hat vendor to hat vendor trying on their wares.





I made several purchases and had to head back to the car to put them in the trunk. On the way back to the private tent my parents’ employer had setup for clients and employees, I ran into Tristan and Briana. They told me I just had to come see the limousine they had passed a little ways back. I had seen limos before, so I figured I wouldn’t be impressed, but I must admit it was a doozy!





It was a Hummer limo! We asked the driver if we could take a picture with his cool vehicle and he said sure. The poor guy had to sit in the car the whole time. I felt bad for him and later on brought him a funnel cake and lemonade.
We all decided we needed something to eat and headed to the tent. The food was catered, so there was a delicious selection of meats and sides. I piled my plate high with fried chicken and rolls. We all chowed down, then sat back to do a little digesting!






Before I headed back into the festivities I had to take care of some “business.” Being that I’m potty trained, I was not about to dig a whole in the middle of this beautiful event and relieve myself. (Though there were MANY great spots in which to do so!!) Being the high falutin’ outfit my parents’ employer is, we had our own port-a-potty. Now that’s classy!






I had never been in a port-a-potty before and honestly, it’s not much different than a whole in the ground!
With that taken care of, I was feeling refreshed and ready to go explore some more. I headed back to the tent to find Butterscotch since everyone else seemed busy doing their own thing.
Butterscotch and I were just wandering around when we came upon some of the jockeys who were going to be riding in the races later in the day. They were very friendly and were patient in answering all of our questions. They had on such fabulous, colorful shirts that I commented I would like being a jockey if they always get to wear such great clothes. They all laughed and one of the nice jockeys gave me his jockey cap and told me I should be riding Butterscotch in one of the steeplechases. They told me they could arrange it if I wanted. What do you think? Would I want to?







The jockeys gave me and Butterscotch a crash course in what to do. After watching the first and second races we felt confident we were ready to join in the fun. I jumped aboard Butterscotch and headed for the starting point.
When the starter let us go, Butterscotch bolted off, almost unseating me! She ran hard, trying to keep up with her longer legged competitors.






The crowd was cheering like crazy for us and Butterscotch was feeling confident. Then we came to the first jump. While Butterscotch could have wimped out and gone around the jump, she was feeling her oats and kept on her course toward the large brush fence. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and hung on for dear life as Butterscotch launched herself at what was now an obviously HUGE wall of bushes…




I think I was still yowling when I realized we had stopped. The other horses were disappearing around the turn, but we were still at the jump. I looked down and realized that Butterscotch had gone at the jump with such gusto that, while she couldn’t get over it, she could jam herself quite solidly into it. We stayed put and waited for the horses to come by for the second time before we started calling for help.
Butterscotch must have given it her all, because no one could dislodge her from the jump. The park officials finally had to bring in some equipment in a last ditch effort to extract Butterscotch and resume racing.






The crowd erupted when Butterscotch finally had her hooves back on the ground. She was a little embarrassed, but the Steeplechase officials presented us with a special trophy – for courage and heart.







The trophy seemed to make Butterscotch feel better, especially after we put it in our tent for all to see.
After the hubbub had subsided, I realized I had missed the hat contest! Oh no!!! I ran to find Mom to tell her. When I found her she was wearing the hat we had made. She told me she had entered the contest for me but had not won, nor even placed. I knew that if I had been wearing the hat, I would have worked it and won the whole shebang, but I told Mom it was okay and we would win next year.
By now I was ready for a serious catnap. I curled up in the corner of the tent and napped until it was time to go home. Then I napped all the way home. When we arrived home, I went to bed. It’s tiring living such an exciting life – and I needed my beauty rest.
It was funny, but the whole time we were at the horse park, I felt like someone was watching me. I don’t mean people in the crowd at the race, but someone following me around just staring at me. It all made sense when I saw one of the pictures that Briana’s Mom had taken…





Preston! I knew it! I had heard that he had gotten a job out of town, but I didn’t know it was racing horses. It’s just as well I didn’t know. I would have been paranoid all day!
That’s all for this week. Have a great week, and if you ever have a chance to go to a steeplechase, I would highly recommend it. It’s more than horse racing, it’s an event!

Love & kitty kisses,
Josie

Returns!

Hello my fellow taxpayers! As I’m sure you are all aware, the deadline for filing your income tax returns is April 15th – exactly one week away. I don’t know about you, but I am a terrible procrastinator when it comes to filling in forms – especially when their completion could result in my having to pay someone some money!
I had sold a good amount of books in 2010, as well as some mugs and t-shirts. I had been good and filed all my sales tax returns in a timely manner, but they were less confusing than the income tax return. I had downloaded the forms from the internet and had printed them out to study and work on. They were making my head hurt so I decided to seek help.
I went out into the yard and asked Malcolm if he knew anything about tax returns. He looked at me kind of puzzled and asked me if it was something to eat. I told him it had absolutely nothing to do with food in any way, which prompted Malcolm to say he didn’t know anything about anything that couldn’t be eaten. Huh? If I was this confused now, I figured he wouldn’t be any help with my taxes even if he did understand it.
It dawned on me that maybe Bobbi could be of some help seeing that she was one of my more intelligent friends. I couldn’t find her anywhere, so when I spied Corny just chillin’ in the big tree in our backyard I asked him if he had seen Bobbi. He said he hadn’t seen her but he would be glad to fly over the trees and give her a message – or tell her a knock knock joke – when he saw her. I suggested he stick to the message. I thanked him for his help and I went back inside.
It wasn’t long before Corny and Bobbi were knocking on the back door. I let them in and immediately ushered Bobbi to our spare bedroom/office. I sharpened a couple of pencils and we settled in to do our work…







I did great with the first part – my name and address. I wished I could have stopped there, but there were lots of boxes underneath that part that needed to be filled with numbers. Bobbi seemed as confused as I was and Corny was just having fun watching us struggle – he wasn’t willing to help – but he did like laughing at us.
I decided I needed to break down and borrow the book I had seen in Tristan’s room – “Taxes for Dummies.” I brought it into the office and started to read it. It still wasn’t making a whole lot of sense, but I figured it was because I wasn’t a dummy. Evidently, I needed the book “Taxes for Fashion Savvy Smart Felines.” I looked it up on the internet, but I couldn’t find such a title. Huh, was I the only Fashion Savvy Smart Feline out there?
Bobbi was getting frustrated too, and she threw in her pencil and declared herself tax deficient – what ever that meant. Corny was busy watching YouTube videos on the computer, just cackling with glee every time the panda sneezed or the kitten looked surprised. I feared none of us was going to be able to crack the secret to doing taxes so I needed to look elsewhere for help.






Who did I know that might understand all the complexities of mathematics? Then, an idea hit me. Preston! He was the animal most closely related to the human being – surely somewhere buried in that smarmy brain of his there was an understanding of mathematics. I sent Corny out on a mission – find Preston!
It took a couple of hours, but Corny did eventually return with Preston. Preston seemed pleased to see me, even if our last meeting was not pleasant for either one of us. I showed him the paperwork and made the computer and a calculator available to him.
He said he would be glad to help and he picked up the calculator and was just working away. I had high hopes that my taxes would be ready for filing in no time!
After about half an hour, I couldn’t help but notice that Preston hadn’t written anything down on the return. What had he been doing all this time? I figured the only thing to do was flat out ask him. When I did ask, he just giggled and turned the calculator around for me to see.





He had made a word with the numbers! While that was very clever, it was not getting my tax returns done. He was able to make several words – not all of them particularly nice. I became aggravated and told him if he couldn’t be of any help, he needed to leave. He didn’t waste much time dropping the calculator and heading out the back door.
By now Bobbi and Corny had lost all interest in taxes and were engaged in a rousing game of Boggle. Since Corny couldn’t spell, he did not do very well. Bobbi, on the other hand, was quite the Boggler. I’ll have to get her to challenge my Mom who just loves to Boggle!
I was getting a little anxious about the state of my tax returns, so I finally broke down and headed for a professional tax preparation firm, H & R Block. Since this was my first year having to file returns, I wasn’t sure what information I needed to bring with me, so I brought it all. We waited patiently in the lobby for the next available tax advisor. I was just about out of patience when my name was called and I was led to a nice lady’s desk. I said hello, introduced myself and plopped my box of receipts on her desk.
She must have been having a really bad day, because she took one look at my box of papers, put her head down in her arms and started crying.





Bobbi, Corny and I didn’t know what to do. I went back to the person at the front desk and told her what had happened. She called a supervisor, who seemed very embarrassed by the incident. The supervisor told me to leave my box of papers and they would do my return for me free of charge. Oh good, less strain on Mom’s magic plastic card! She told me they would call me when it was ready. I thanked her for her help and for the free tax return and we headed home.
I hope the return is done soon. I don’t like waiting until the last minute to finish things -though I know I wasn’t particularly early with this.
Hope you have a wonderful week! Make sure to file your tax returns before midnight
next Friday. And if a monkey named Preston knocks on you door and offers to help you with your tax returns, just so “no!”

Love & licks,
Josie